Martha turned 35 this year. This time she didn’t feel like inviting anyone for her birthday party choosing to work an extra shift at the hospital that evening instead. Martha’s age started to scare her recently, the older she gets the more hopeless it feels: single, ready to mingle, but NOTHING is happening…
I have talked to a vast amount of girls who feel like Martha. They are dreaming of a family, children, handsome and reliable husband, romance. But it just doesn’t happen. It feels like there are no guys around and those «available» guys are just so far from the dream! The time flies by and in attempt to explain the situation to herself the girl makes a conclusion:
I haven’t been lucky yet. I just have to wait…..
In Christian circles a very common explanation is something like: I just have to wait from God. God will send me a perfect match when the time is right.
What the girl doesn’t pay attention to are patterns. Her relationship or rather lack of relationship is performing according to a very similar scenario. Examples: she meets guys who only want sex with her; guys who date her but suddenly marry someone else; guys who see her only as a friend, no more than that; guys who seem interested in the beginning but then suddenly disappear. There can be thousands of such scenarios.
But the girl is attributing these alarming signs to just a coincidence and keeps waiting and hoping that something will change and her lucky day will come soon. She can wait long enough, until the point when irritation and impatience are unbearable and she finally settles for a «Mr. Not so Right» but available. Just not to be single anymore…
We all want to be lucky in relationships but often luck is attributed to something out of this world that is far from our control.
So what is luck? And how to get lucky?
Imagine for a second someone you consider lucky. We usually imagine someone happy in their relationship, beautiful/handsome, fulfilled in career, earning well, healthy and leading exciting lifestyle. It is very natural to see their pictures on facebook and think “wow! He/she is so lucky!”. What we fail to see though, is the amount of work and effort this person is putting into achieving those lucky attributes, patterns of thinking and decisions this person is making. I believe that luck is not a reason but consequence.
There is an approach that explains how luck and destiny work suggested by Yuri Kuznetsov, a Russian psychologist. It is called the triangular of destiny.
Imagine our destiny portrayed as a triangle with 3 vertices.
The top one represents God, a point we don’t have control to influence. This is also our divine predestination, mission in life that each of us came into this world to fulfill.
Another vertex represents forces of nature that are also outside of our control. It includes our genetic makeup, family and country we are born in, talents, abilities, predispositions. We usually don’t have much control over those.
The third one is my favorite. It is the point of my influence. This represents spheres where I have 100% control to shape and influence my life, to make choices, decisions and to take responsibility. The I point of influence is a gift, this is what gives hope because there is always something I can do no matter what is happening in my life.
It is very tempting to load off our own responsibility on God or the circumstances, “This is how it is, what can I do?!” But how about learning to use own power of changing life from what we don’t like to what makes us happy? How about putting some effort, trying different approaches, study, ask for help? Yes we might fail for 25 times in a row but on the 26th suddenly we get lucky! Woohoo!
So, if you really want to get what you want start doing something that is in your power to do already today!
Like our Martha who is waiting for a lucky chance to meet her dream man. She can continue waiting for the next 10 years and who knows, she might meet the guy she wants. But what can Martha do NOW to use her point of influence and increase her chances of meeting a great guy tomorrow?
- Read a few books about men’s psychology
- Attend workshops or seminars where they teach about how to build healthy relationships
- Go through coaching to find out her own limiting beliefs that stop her from achieving her dream
- Analyze the negative repeating patterns in her life. What in herself activates them?
- Learn how to enhance the strong sides of her appearance and hide the weak: color types, figure types and appropriate clothes, make up, etc.
- Work on her communicative skills
- Learn about self-love – how to feel best about herself
- Find new places where serious guys hang out (usually not bars and discos)
- Ask for help! Ask her friends and family to introduce her to good guys
Anything else? Sure there are more! If a person chooses an active life position miracles can happen! When you search you find. When you ask you get answers. When you knock the door gets opened. When you are ready to break the pattern and do something different the results you get will also be different!
I do believe that you are worthy of the best relationship ever! Go for it!